Of Earth and Stars

calissa and kaberrett were posting 10 good things, and so I thought I'd be a sheeple and scrape up some positivity, too. Because I'm aware I've been a bit down lately.

1. Good Food: L. has been learning to make sushi, and last night he made me vegan sushi and miso soup for dinner. Well, he made it for everyone, actually, but I always adore when he makes a vegan meal with me in mind. Which reminds me, you should read this article on veganism and eating disorders.
   
   
2. Cycling: I am still waiting to run (the grinding in my knee seems to be slowly getting better), and my bike is keeping me sane. I ride along the Greenway nature trail, and I usually run into a doe or a bunny or at least several super-friendly squirrels. But moreso, it's the feeling of the wind in my hair and the mist of puddles from recent rains and the overwhelming greenery that brings me back to life.
   
   
3. Support at work: Despite a really big disappointment/loss this week, my managers have been super-supportive. One came by yesterday to make sure I was holding up okay and reminded me that I'm good at what I do. I needed that.
   
   
4. Work-free weekends: Two in a row. Somebody knock on wood!
   
   
5. Family: I had a good long conversation with my sister the other day. She's been making lots of big life-changing decisions (change of job, moving) and has been too busy to really chat. It was good to reconnect with her. We are vastly different people, but she's always my sister and I love her and I've missed her terribly.
   
   
6. Besties: Similarly, I got the chance last weekend to hang out with two of my oldest friends, where we had dinner and went blackberry/blueberry picking with the kids. Taking my children along while visiting them did not result in a nuclear meltdown. I need to see them more often.
   
   
7. This Buddha Doodle. I'm thinking of ordering a copy because I love it so much.
   
   
8. My hamster babies. I may be the Crazy Hamster Lady, but my girls are so sweet and docile, they will snuggle up in your arm to go to sleep. Unless it's nighttime, when they want to crawl and explore All the Things.
   
   
9. I spent time revising my Dreamwidth layout and I like where it is at.
   
   
10. Defiance is back on. Because, Stahma.
    

So afuna evilly opened the gateway to Duolingo.com, and ever since then I've been spending a few minutes a day learning German. I am surprised at how easy the lessons are - I'm usually a bit slow at learning languages (I have some French and Italian courses under my belt), but I really appreciate the verbal and written exercises. It's an addictive fun way to spend my time more constructively in the evenings. So much so, I had to add it to my List of Happy. The only downside is that I've been playing with Duolingo instead of practicing guitar. Maybe I'll pull the guitar out today to compensate.

In other news, because of the gov't shutdown, there's not a whole lot that I can do in the office (and get paid for), so I've been taking some leave. This means I've had a little time to relax and do things I never have time to do (I'm starting to get used to midday naps). And though it probably isn't the best time to do so, I went searching for a used iPod nano (3rd generation) and found one on Amazon that wasn't too expensive. I used to have the same iPod, but lost it on our honeymoon. However, I still have a couple of accessories for it, including a sleeve for workouts/running. So I decided to buy a used one so that I can have some tunes while running again.

Which gets to the fun part of this post. fenjer posted some of her top favorite songs right now, so I thought I'd do the same. ( this way thar be videos )

Speaking of, if you have good recs for songs that I can run to, I'd love to hear them. :D

I'm a few days away from my birthday. (I am only a wee sad that my age will no longer be the atomic number for arsenic, but yay, I can have the ninth Fibonacci number now!) While there has been talk about what I would like to have/do for the day, my birthday is typically the time I think on whether I am the person I want to be. As such, I've mainly been contemplating what new thing I would like to learn next.

Which, in and of itself, seems like a small thing, but for me it feels like a very big change in life. I really have to give thanks to my GP for telling me straight out back in May that it would be to my benefit to start an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication, because it has. A few months ago I was contemplating very dark thoughts, suffered physical symptoms of my anxiety/depression on a daily basis, and rarely had the energy to do All the Things I Needed To Do, let alone try new things. At the same time, I've been inspired by so many people this year who are living their lives courageously: teaberryblue, haggis, firinel, floatyfish, bodhifox, gizmometer, untonuggan ,wlotus....there are many more of you.

Since June, I have learned to run nearly three miles. I have picked my guitar back up and began playing for enjoyment again. I'm really loving making music. I am still very rough, having put it away for a very long time, but I can see improvement each week and I feel like I can play a few songs fairly well (thank you, Greg Laswell, for having beautiful yet easy songs!). Best of all, I've been able to sing as I play. Oh, how I have missed singing!

I'm reading more, learning more, and have been excited to try new things. I think about writing fic, about learning the piano/keyboard (we have one that L. uses), about creating art, and crafting. I have more confidence, mainly because I've put aside the idea that I have to be good, that I only have to do.

I feel like I am living, and this is something for which I am extremely grateful for. I keep thinking back to the beginning of the year, when I chose the word "joy" to define my year. Through much of the early part of the year, I felt like I had completely failed in that regard. But reflecting on things -- maybe hitting bottom again, as miserable as it was, has helped me to appreciate the small things all the more. The sound of my sons' laughter. Their crushing hugs. My husband's ability to make me laugh and laugh, and then to feel incredibly loved. All the fabulous people that love me and encourage me. In these things, there is joy. These things help me not want to give up, to keep going even when the days are long or the moods are tough.

I haven't gone anywhere this year, but I've been reminded that life does not have to follow a script. I'm reminded that my name means "brave; courageous", and that I don't have to live in fear and anxiety. In that sense, I like the woman that I am, and I like the woman that I am still becoming.

Oh, and I have decided that I need a bow and arrow next. :) I probably won't get one for my birthday, but maybe later this fall or Christmas. Expect me up a tree sometime soon, making shenanigans.

Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, hurdles be damned. This is my quest.

Thank you for being here with me.

♥