Of Earth and Stars

Hello, 2015.

This will be the 7th year I've adopted the concept of "The Word", which has worked to some level of success in years past. A list of my previous words and how they tied to my life is detailed in my 2014 post.

Last year, I chose the phrase loving-kindness, as applied to all creatures. Although I feel like I could have gone much farther in this respect (though I am hardly done practicing loving-kindness in my life), I do think that bits of my year reflected my desire to try to keep the peace in the home (not as easily done as said in a house of 3 boys), to raise awareness of suffering in both human and non-human populations, and to express love to those around me, both friend and stranger. I have tried, if nothing else, to take the time to tell people that I love and appreciate them.

For 2015, the word I've decided to focus on is nourish.

nourish [nur-ish, nuhr-]

1. to sustain with food or nutriment; supply with what is necessary for life, health, and growth.
   
2. to cherish, foster, keep alive, etc.: He had long nourished the dream ...
   
3. to strengthen, build up, or promote: ... to nourish the arts in one's community.

-(as abbreviated from dictionary.com)

For me, nourish might look like this:

• Surround myself with friends and people I love; folks that encourage my growth and sustain me in tough time. Conversely, I wish to be more kind and giving to others with time, love, and gifts. I want to socialize more, to nourish my heart, and to provide joy and strength to others.
  
• Exercise patience with my children (more of it than I usually do). Talk to them and spend more quality time with them. Surround them with love and keep the home a safe space for them.
  
• Nourish my relationship with L. Be there to listen, and to cuddle, and to laugh with.
  
• Read lots of amazing books, of all sorts of genres. As many as I can stuff in. I want to lose myself and grow my mind and stretch my brain. (And maybe write some thoughtful reviews and engage more in the Goodreads community with fellow booklovers.)
  
• Pick up my guitar even if it's scary, and start all over again with learning, if I must. Music and rhythm and getting the fingering right isn't easy for me, but there's something to be said for the practice and the joy of trying - I think to learn, to get better, is a good gift to self.
  
• Do not be afraid to make art. I've done it before, and I don't have to be "good". I just have to let my brain relax.
  
• Make sure I have time to take care of myself. Try not to let work or other distractions rule my life. Spend some time each day unwinding, or creating, doing just what I like.
  
• Keep my living environment cleaner and less cluttered, on perhaps a semi-regular schedule? Focus on keeping the things that provide me joy and strengthen my soul, but letting go of those that don't.
  
• Eat simply and joyfully, with the thought of taking care of my body: more fruits and veggies, especially greens, and less sugary foods and sweet drinks (which I usually use as a means of comfort/dealing with stress/anxiety). At the same time, I want to eat lots of fabulous foods that bring me joy. (I want to remember to slow down and bake bread, too.)
  
• Run consistently (even in the cold and damp!), to keep my body healthy. I have watched a large number of people I love this year begin dealing with heart disease, and there is always the ever-looming threat of diabetes. Plan a 10K this year (my timing pending), and start thinking about what comes next.
  
• Direct my time and efforts towards causes that I find fulfilling. Let my money, buying choices, and volunteer opportunities support the charities/social justice issues I care about.

That isn't the full list of ways that I may use nourish, and there may be things on the list that I don't do perfectly or live up to. But then again, nourishing self and others doesn't require perfection. It only requires a little extra thought and focus on the idea of strengthening, cherishing, and sustaining the things that make life fuller and brighter - the friendships, activities, and ideas that sustain me (and my friends and family). So with nourish I will charge into the new year, in the hopes that it brings growth, and joy, and love.

♥

To recap - back in 2008, I began the tradition of "The Word". It's easier than attempting to define a rambling list of resolutions, and it gives me something to hold on to throughout the year and a simple way to focus on developing personal qualities that I value. Seven years later, I still find it valuable.

In 2008, I was still healing from my divorce, and the word I chose was "clarity", hoping to find a new path in my life.

In 2009, I found myself feeling more whole, but less focused than I wanted to be. I settled on "deliberate" to guide my thinking and actions.

In 2010, I was feeling more loved than at any other point in my life (because Lucas was so good to me!), and I wanted to share that. So I went with "generous".

In 2011, I was learning to deal with my anxiety, as I was preparing for our wedding and struggling with my son's diagnosis. I chose the word "yielding" to remind me that I don't need to obsess over having constant control of my life.

In 2012, I settled on "strength" to remind myself to hold fast even when everything was falling apart around me - it seemed to a lot, that year. I still don't know if I have that one conquered, but then again... I am blessed by having a partner who gives me strength, and a supporting and loving family that buoys me when times are tough.

In 2013, I wanted to recognize that I am blessed in a multitude of ways, even when I don't feel it. I chose the phrase "desperately seeking joy", and tried to hang onto it during the most difficult parts of the year (and believe me, this year has been one of my most difficult). Having my depression come back to the degree that it did made this one seem unreachable. But, I'm still here, I'm still hanging on, still clawing around for joy in the corners where no one else has looked.

This fall, I have been moving towards a focus on the interconnectedness of our lives on this Earth, and reflecting on the suffering of life and the beauty of compassion and kindness. And I would like to live in a way that recognizes these connections between us. I want to connect deeply with others, to reflect more on my interactions with the world, and to live in a way that creates peace and diminishes violence. I've been thinking a bit on the practice of metta, or loving-kindness meditation. I think the words of the Metta Sutta capture the feeling:

So with a boundless heart should one cherish all living beings,
Radiating kindness over the entire world,
Spreading upwards to the skies, and downwards to the depths,
Outwards and unbounded, freed from hatred and ill-will.

I like to think of it as radical compassion and love, in which you work not only to extend compassion and kindness and love towards yourself, but to those closest to you, to those not so close to you, to those that you wish weren't so close to you, and to those who you do not personally know, but with which this universe has you inexplicably twined. I believe that peace comes through love - selfless love - and through practice of this selfless love towards others. I know that it is needed in my heart, and it is needed in my household, and it is needed in this world. And so I think for 2014, I will focus on cultivating and bringing loving-kindness to my life.